His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
