So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
