i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
