Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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