you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
