How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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