tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
