Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
