just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
All the doctor said was why
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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