I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
how drunk are you?
Several
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
