I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
