if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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