when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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