There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
