just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
