well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
