I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
