I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
