The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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