This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize