your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
