Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
