used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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