I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
