I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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