Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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