tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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