I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
