gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
