I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
