She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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