do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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