so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
