A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
