please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
