I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
