Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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