my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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