you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
