I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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