he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
