I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
