I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
