tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
