is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize