Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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