so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
