my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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