WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
