She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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