moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
