dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I stole a fireplace last night.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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