You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize