Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
