im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
