I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
