she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
