I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
