It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
