So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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