i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
