I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
