Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
