Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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