bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
