I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We need to rekindle our bromance
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You pole danced in your parka.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize