The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
