i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
