Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
