Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
