I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
